Emotion Coaching

 Takeaway 1- Emotion Coaching

Dr. John Gottman engaged in several scientific studies that lead him to the deduction that the key to good parenting is in understanding the emotional foundation of difficult behavior. In his research, Gottman identified four types of parenting.

              The Dismissing Parent who often dismisses, disengages, or ridicules in the face of negative emotions. They use distraction and feel emotions are detrimental. Rather than problem solve themselves, they tend to use the passing of time as a cure-all. This leads to children feeling that something must be wrong with them. They will grow with the inability to emotionally regulate.

              The Disapproving Parent is even more negative, controlling, and judgmental with children’s emotions. This leads to very similar results for the children, distrusting their own emotions, feeling their emotions are not right or allowed and being unable to adjust emotionally.

              The Laissez-Faire Parent has a different strategy, one of permissiveness. These parents offer no guidance for problem-solving or understanding emotions, refuse to limit behavior, and simply ride out emotions without taking any time to evaluate them. This leaves children boundless, unable to focus, regulate or form healthy relationships.

              The Emotion Coaching Parent who remains attentive to their children’s emotions. These parents help their children understand their emotions and what actions may help when solving problems. They listen and relate to their children. This raises emotionally competent children that can regulate emotions, problem solve and form healthy relationships with others.

Emotion Coaching Parents follow five principles that set them apart in their parenting:

1.       They are aware of the child’s emotions.

2.       They recognize the expression of emotions is a time of connection, teaching and closeness.

3.       They listen with empathy and validate their children’s emotions.

4.       They use correct labels for emotions and teach their children to identify them.

5.       They set appropriate limits on behavior, helping children solve problems and handle upsetting situations.    

These principles lead to children that are more confident, perform better academically and create healthy rewarding relationships. To begin incorporating Emotional Coaching into your parenting try these strategies:

ü  Remember to be respectful and understanding when your children have feelings of being misunderstood, upset, or frustrated. Talk through their feelings with them in their time frame and try to fully understand the source of their feelings.

ü  Make sure your child feels your empathy by validating their feelings while remaining calm and patient.

ü  Guide your children with trust and affection through problem solving. Put your own personal agenda aside and work through emotions and problems together.

Reference:

Lisitsa, E. (2020, November 3). An introduction to emotion coaching. The Gottman Institute. Retrieved April 1, 2023, from https://www.gottman.com/blog/an-introduction-to-emotion-coaching/